The Official Three Rules
by Erikstrulove
Summary: The Centre Chairman has posted the three guidlines which shall now govern employee behavior.
1. Chapter 1

An) Here's the result of my boredom... I don't own TP.

* * *

Broots struggled against the large glass doors of the Centre lobby while clinging desperately to the heavy package rubbing creases into his forearms. A sweeper came up behind him almost knocking the package from Broots' grasp opened the door and entered. Broots had almost mumbled a thank you when the door began swinging back to its original position, he hurried in, the door caught the box and he fell. Fortunately, however, the box broke his fall and his ribs were suitably annoyed. He gasped, and clutching one hand to his chest and the other against the wall he rose.

"Huh, what's this?" There was a new board in the entryway, and posted was a sheet of paper with the chairman's official stamp.

**Official Centre Guidelines to be read and understood by all, failure to comply will result in reprimand…**

1. Reprimand will not be given more than once.

1a. All Centre employees may now consider themselves reprimanded.

1b. Failure to act in accordance with the reprimand will result in a correctional class.

1c. 'Correctional class' are fancy words for _torture, mind swipe…or reeducation._

-

Broots noted that 1c was written by hand, probably by a brave sweeper.

-

2. Do not be late. It will be taken as a sign that you stayed up all night conspiring against Us and you will be punished.

2a. Don't plead with us, we know you were conspiring.

2b. Your homes are bugged.

2c. The following excuses for said lateness shall cease from your vocabulary:

A. I got shot.

B. My friend got shot.

C. My friend died.

D. A close relative has died. (We probably already knew that so don't bother us with it.)

E. My office is haunted.

F. I see dead people. (Note: If said dead people look uneaten by parasites and are not the direct hallucinatory results from drug testing notify Us immediately.)

F. My office speaks to me.

G. Miss Parker told me not to.

H. My therapist told me to take a few days off.

I. I haven't finished my will yet.

J. I'm getting married. (Don't worry about that, it won't be important…)

K. The wheels are coming!

L. My supervisor tried to kill me! (Your being paranoid, why don't you talk it over with him?)

Further additions to this particular list will be posted separately on the board.

3. And finally, you are all expected to be loyal to the Centre as long as there is breathe within you, however long that is…

-

Broots looked around, the only person in the lobby besides himself was the desk clerk whose face looked like she was going to wake up with the qwerty on her forehead in a few hours. Broots removed the pen from his breast pocket…

"Broots! What are you doing, what's that?"

"Oh, uh, miss Parker, I didn't hear you come in…this? Uh, it's a bunch of new rules or something the chairman put here."

"Not that, the box?"

"Just some paper work I was bringing to the office."

Miss Parker walked over to Broots, examining the document and the pen in Broots' hand. "Well bring it."

"Right," Broots picked his package off the marble floor and didn't look back.

Parker eyed the list with a smile and took out her own pen.

-

4. Don't mess with Miss Parker.

-

That said, she walked towards the elevator.

As the elevator doors were closing a group of sweepers had entered the building, "Hey, hold the door!"

She gave the sweepers a wave and was gone.

"Hey guys take a look at this." Mitch pointed to the list. When his eyes hit number four his eyes lit up, he briefly weighed the consequences, and then he took out his pencil…


	2. Chapter 2

Sydney had just returned from lunch and the front lobby doors swooshed closed behind him. There were a few sweepers crowding around the new board he'd seen earlier. They seemed to find something amusing although the last time he'd seen it there was nothing of particular interest on it. He pushed his way through and looked at the list.

"Someone's going to pay for this."

"It wasn't us. We just came on duty." One of the sweepers replied and they fled not wanting to associate themselves with the writing.

The new additions read:

4. Don't mess with Miss Parker.

4a. …Especially when its that time of the month.

4b. Or when its not.

-

Sydney glanced around the lobby, making sure no one was paying attention. Sydney smiled and made his way to his office.

A few hours later Lyle came in from a conference in Africa and he saw the post.

4c. Don't try to give her advice either.

4d. The Centre cannot be held responsible for failure to comply with rule 4.

5. Don't tease the sweepers.

5a. Don't tell new employees the sweepers are 'just like those guards who aren't allowed to move or talk.' (Seriously, this is a growing problem, the infirmary can't hold any more newbies.)

5b. …Seriously, don't tease the sweepers.

5c. Do _not_:

A. Tell them Mr. Raines needs to speak with them if its not true.

B. _Tell them there's an escaping project in the main sewer line._

C. I mean it. Seriously, they _will_ go down there….

D. Tell a sweeper Mr. Raines personal masseuse quit and he needs them. These men are on the verge of mental decay, we don't want to tip them over the edge.

6. Taxidermy is an art you morons!

6a. If you consider rule 6 true write your name down so I can avoid you.

6b. Sweepers are ignorant.

6c. Men who run over small animals are creepy.

-

Number seven was typed and pasted with the Chairman's official stamp.

-

7. Stop using this list for your personal amusement. You will all be punished.

8. Smart people leave no fingerprints.

-

Lyle snickered as he took out his expensive pen from his inside pocket…


	3. Chapter 3

Sydney flipped the folder closed and put in his desk drawer. He sighed and made his way to the lobby, it was late and no one was currently crowding around the list so he ventured over to it and looked over the newest additions. Sydney noted that the writing in parenthesis were added from a different hand.

8. Smart people leave no fingerprints.

8b. Smarter people threaten geeky techs and gain the power of invisibility.

8c. …Smart people call that freezing the cameras.

8d. The Techs shall rise up! Rise!

8e. It is hereby proclaimed that no technician is allowed alcohol on Centre grounds.

9. Centre employees are no longer allowed to bring the following items to work:

A. Yo-Yo's

B. Play-dough _(Those working on sub-level three know why)_

C. Children _(Unless your donating them)_

D. Incense _(Many sweepers are allergic…if anyone wants to know)_

E. Sudokus _(My life is over!)_

-

Apparently that was the end of the official do not bring list, but that didn't stop other people from adding to it for the 'good of the Centre.'

-

F. I saw Mr. Lyle write the last words in parenthesis.

G. Since letter Sudokus were not specified they may be brought to work.

H. Do not bring excessive amounts of butter to work. (What's up with the guys in SL-3?)

I. (Insert official Centre stamp here) We mean all forms of Sudoku.

J. No comic books. _(It took me a half hour to get my tie off his head!)_

K. We are serious about the Sudokus! All people noted for having had them in their possession will now be strip searched and their puzzles confiscated.

10. No substances of easily malleable complexion are allowed on sub-level three. (_Don't let them trick you into it either. They've all gone into a crazy 'mold things into the likeness of the higher echelons and squish it under your toes' phase. The Janitors can no longer handle the mess.)_

11. That's a lie! Don't listen!

12. Funions are the best snack ever.


	4. Raines

AN) Here's a short one.

* * *

Thursday:

Mr. Raines was bored. There had been no news on Jarod, Miss Parker was ignoring all his petty threats, and Cox was spending all his time on that rodent he ran over Monday. Not standing the boredom any longer, he decided to go home with his masseuse. On his way out, he saw people milling about uselessly in the lobby. He slowly tugged his tank over to them and they all scattered. Taking a look at the board, a sinister smile crept over his lips.

-

13. Friday will be wear a hat day.

14. _All_ sweepers must report to Mr. Lyles office at six a.m. sharp Friday morning.

A. Sweepers who do not comply will be shot.

B. No excuses.

C. This is not a joke. -M.L

15. Strip searches will now be discontinued, feel free to take advantage of it.

A. Have fun.

-

Raines left the building.

The next morning 25 sweepers were waiting in Lyles office wearing an assortment of hats, they had been there since 6 a.m. Fortunately for them, the Sudoku obsessed Lyle was otherwise detained. Shortly thereafter a new message was on the board, it read as follows:

16. Oops! Apparently the strip searches were replaced by cavity searches. Sudokus are still disallowed.

-

Ah, that would explain Lyles whereabouts.

Somewhere, in the bowels of the Centre, Raines was smiling.

-

17. My initials aren't M.L! It's L…something. Sweepers shall cease from coming into my office unless called for.

18. Whoever has been giving their road kill to a certain man please desist. I'm bored without him to help me taunt people.

A. This includes opossum, cats, raccoons, and…sheep?


End file.
